do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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