ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
