im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
