Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
