How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
