My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just gargled with NyQuil
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
