So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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