please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
