This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
