I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
