My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
