wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
