be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
