O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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