the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Alive.
So much puke
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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