I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
