I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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