he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
