what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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