my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
At least life still wants to fuck me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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