How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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