I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
