omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
