Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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