i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
