My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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