So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
