Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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