If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
