TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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