Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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