I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
