My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
