if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
