i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
