is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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