My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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