I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
