Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
