life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
