Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
