First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Come on in and take your pants off
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