Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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