My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
