i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There r osticjed everywhere
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
