And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
