Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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