I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
