I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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