i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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