well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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