You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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