normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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