I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
