I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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