I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
