lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I will die if light touches me.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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