After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
