I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
