So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
