i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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