don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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