oh god the rape fog is back!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Still dying that you shit outside
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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