she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
