You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
