dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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