Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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