hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
