and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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