hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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