I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Life is so much better after having sex.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
