worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
